Cultural Practices You Didn’t Learn in School (Part II)

Why Jealousy Is Neurological, Not Moral

By Sasha Tanoushka

We’ve been taught that jealousy is a character flaw.

Something to suppress.

Something to “rise above.”

Something that means you’re insecure, immature, or not evolved enough.

But jealousy isn’t a moral problem.

It’s a nervous-system response.

And understanding that changes everything.

Jealousy lives in the survival brain

When a relational bond feels threatened, the body doesn’t run philosophy.

It runs biology.

Your nervous system scans for:

• loss of safety

• loss of attachment

• loss of resources

• loss of belonging

These are ancient survival cues.

Long before language, before contracts, before Instagram relationship advice, humans survived through proximity and protection.

So when connection feels unstable, the body reacts as if something essential is at risk.

Heart rate increases.

Breath shortens.

Muscles tighten.

Thoughts spiral.

That’s not weakness.

That’s your autonomic nervous system doing its job.

Why modern relationships amplify jealousy

Historically, humans lived in groups.

Caregiving was shared.

Children had multiple attachment figures.

Adults weren’t emotionally isolated inside one romantic bond.

But modern culture collapsed all of that into one person.

Now we expect a single partner to be:

• emotional home

• sexual partner

• co-parent

• best friend

• financial ally

• nervous-system regulator

That’s a massive biological load.

So when that one attachment point feels threatened, the system goes into alarm.

Not because you’re broken.

Because the structure is fragile.

This matters especially in non-monogamy

In polyamory or open relationships, jealousy often gets framed as something to “work through” psychologically.

But most people try to solve it cognitively.

They talk it out.

They analyze it.

They journal it.

Meanwhile the body is still in threat.

You can’t logic your way out of a nervous-system activation.

Regulation comes first.

Only then can insight land.

What actually helps

Not bypassing.

Not spiritualizing.

Not shaming.

But:

• slowing down

• orienting to safety

• naming sensations instead of stories

• restoring co-regulation

• building redundancy in support systems

Jealousy softens when the body feels resourced. Not when it’s judged.

A reframe

Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re bad at love.

It means your nervous system is asking:

“Am I still safe here?”

That’s not pathology.

That’s biology.’